SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I (GOOD STUFF)

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What is the difference between a porcupine and a BMW??
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F-word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides..

Funny, because they are JUST JOKES, I wasnt offended at all. Even the Irish jokes were funny.

How do you get a one-armed Polock out of a tree?
Wave to him.

What does IROC stand for?
Italian Retard Out Cruising.

What does a jewish mother make for dinner?
Reservations.

I loved the italian joke, especially when I broke my arm, and couldn't speak properly.

Another:

What does IROC stand for?
I Reak Of Cologne. Or
Italian Retard On Crack.

How can you tell an Italian airline?
By the hair under the wings.

The actual joke goes like this:
What is the difference between a Harley rider and a vacuum cleaner?

The dirtbag is on the outside.

What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys?
Coach.

What do you call a black hooker with braces?
A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.

Stone

You have no idea how true this is!!! I worked at a Bingo Hall for 4 years during college. In fact I used to call bingo and you would not believe how many times I was accused of messing with the bingo balls so that certain people wouldn't get bingo!!! Like I could see the numbers on their cards!!!

It wasn't too bad of a job, but I am sure I am going to develop lung cancer by the time I am 40 from all the 2nd hand smoke I inhaled!!