Everyone must be busy, cuz nobody else mentioned this article... pure comedy:

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OCONOMOWOC, Wisconsin (AP) -- A man says he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a pornographic movie his upstairs neighbor was watching.

"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case. "This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake."

According to a criminal complaint, the neighbor told police that Van Iveren pounded on the door and kicked it open without warning February 12, damaging the frame and lock.

"Where is she?" Van Iveren demanded, thrusting the sword at the neighbor, the complaint said. "Where is she?"

The neighbor told police Van Iveren became increasingly aggressive as he repeated the question, insisting that he had heard a woman being raped. The complaint said that, with the sword pointed at him, the neighbor led Van Iveren throughout the apartment, opening closet doors to prove he was alone.

The neighbor later played for police the part of the DVD he believed Van Iveren heard downstairs.

Van Iveren, 39, of Oconomowoc, was charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct, all while using a dangerous weapon, and is scheduled to appear in court March 5. Together, the misdemeanor counts carry a maximum sentence of 33 months in jail.

Van Iveren said Tuesday that he heard a woman "screaming for help," grabbed the sword, bounded up the stairs, kicked in the apartment door and confronted the man who lived there.

"I intended to hold it behind my back and knock. But I froze and instead, what happened happened," he told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

Contesting his neighbor's account, Van Iveren said he didn't look anywhere in the apartment except the front room, and that he never threatened the neighbor with the sword.

"I had the sword extended, but that was all," he said.

Van Iveren, who lives with his mother in the downstairs apartment, said he did not call police when he heard the noises because he does not have a telephone. He said he barely knew the upstairs tenant.

Police seized Van Iveren's sword, which he said was a family heirloom.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/22/porn.sword.ap/index.html

haha.. thats messed up.. My question is why the hell would he have his porn turned up that loud..

Picture this:

You're in the room, masturbating to a new porn DVD you just got - great stuff. Chicks, round perky tits, quadruple amputee midgits, gags, jet black straight hair...the whole deal (whatever you're into). So the movie reaches a very, well, climatic scene, you're about to paint the wall when all of a sudden there's a dude breaking down your door with a sword in his hand screaming.

With your own (limp, rather) sword still in your hand you try to explain the cituation.

Gives a whole new meaning to "not crossing swords with other men".

Hahahahah.
I heard it on O&A this morning.

well what im thinking is that when you have to volume to low you hear smack smack (sound of lotion, lube, baby oil, whatever you use) so you turn it up to make it sound more "realistic" i didnt know there was a law about not having your porno blasting?

Consider:

-- Van Iveren, 39

-- Van Iveren, who lives with his mother

-- Van Iveren . . . said he did not call police when he heard the noises because he does not have a telephone

Sounds 'bout right.

thats what i was thinking...

i heard about this story as i was walking out the door to go to work this morning. my wife was watching the news and laughing her ass off.

maybe he gets off on bitches screaming and moaning real loud.

here's the police sketch:

More along the lines of this guy...

...and he owns a sword....

There can be only one.....

Don't know if any of you read Fark, but it was posted there a few days ago. It's kind of like a "weird/odd news" site.


Here\'s some video goodness from a news station that covered the story (click me).

"I got home from the bar and decided to take care of business." -quote from the porn watching guy

The comments on fark are pretty funny too: Fark Link

Saw it on the news. The reporter asked the guy if he'll continue to watch those movies. Without hesisitation, he looks at the reporter and says very matter-of-factly, "Pfft, yeah!"

Porn Enthusiast: "Hi Officers. Thanks for coming out. I think General Custer just broke into my house and threatened my life while I was watching this movie!"

Cop: "You'd uh.....better let us take a look at that movie....."

*looks at fellow officer with smirk*