Quote:
Originally posted by Shahram:
A while back, I had a rockin' case of the stomach flu. Vomiting, diarrhea, aches, cramps, high fever, chills, the works. So, I'm laying on the couch late at night, watching HBO Real Sex or some shit, shivering and sweating and trying to hold down some Gatorade and Pedialyte, and I fell asleep. And then I had the most horrible dream. I mean scary and real and vivid and painful and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wake up from it.

Basically, the nightmare begins when Rosie O'Donnell and her shrill, harpy sister Kelly buy a goddamn ocean liner and invite a bunch of assholes to come and scream "GAY PEOPLE MAKE GREAT PARENTS TOO! GAY PEOPLE MAKE GREAT PARENTS TOO!!!" And then a bunch of other people are screaming "JESUS IS GONNA SLIT YOUR BABY'S THROAT, FUCKERS!" and then there's showtunes and everyone's got a lisp, and goddamn fucking shuffleboard, and more showtunes, and there's buffets (Lobster Spermador! HAHAHHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! BLECCCCCHHHH!!!) and I can't stop wretching because I can hear people chewing, chewing, chewing and humming showtunes and people are saying "HERE SHE IS!!! HERE SHE IS!!! BOW DOWN TO THE QUEEN OF NICE!!! BOW DOWN TO THE QUEEN OF NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!" and I'm cramping so I roll up in the fetal position and suck my thumb and try to go to my happy place only I look down and it's NOT MY FUCKING THUMB and I wretch and wretch and wretch and the boat starts spinning and showtunes and lisping and oily discharge and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

And just like that, it was over. Fuck, how scary is that? Imagine if that shit were real! It'd be the last sign of the Apocalypse!
only 2 months?