While I was driving down the road the other day going a little faster than I should have been) I passed over a bridge only to see a cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know about, asked "what's your hurry?" :rolleyes: I replied, "I'm late for work." He then asked, "And what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded. The cop was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet." The cop then asked cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"..........

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic ticket: $157.50
Court costs: $45.50
Look on cop's face ... Priceless