So I'm working on planning a wedding - hard enough to do, even harder from the middle of the desert. Decided to go looking for a website to assist or at least guide. My lass pointed me to theknot.com. I've been reading it and have noticed a major slant toward the bride. I kind of ignored it until today. They have a shopping list there. The word groom isn't even mentioned. They dedicate an entire section to the bride's attire and the only form of groom is in groomsmen. Now, in this so-called equal society, what kind of bullshit is this? Can anyone point me toward a separate but equal site, where the true minority in this country can get some realistic advice? If I went by the knot, I'd be showing up naked - and no one really wants to see that.

NEWS FLASH: ALL wedding magazines/websites are geared toward the bride! And they all exist for the sole purpose of getting your beloved fiance to part with as much of her, her parent's and your hard-earned money so that she can have her "dream" wedding. "The Knot" is just the worst offender (as evidenced by the companies advertising in it). And, no offense, but if your beloved is relying upon the knot for advice on how to plan a wedding be prepared to spend much more than you really need to.

As someone who has been thru 2 weddings (now VERY happily married) and having also photographed many weddings I'll offer some friendly advice:

1. In my experience, the total cost of a wedding is inversely proportional to the potential length of the marriage. Without exception (including my first wedding) every wedding that I have attended where more than $10000 was spent ended in divorce.

2. Don't let other people tell you (or her) what YOUR wedding should/shouldn't have.

3. Don't let the bride or her friends/family tell you that it is "her" day and if you are a good fiance/husband you will let her get what she wants. It is YOUR wedding, too!

Those are just few things that spring immediately to mind; if you want some more candid advice or have some specific questions feel free to shoot me a PM or post it here.

Stephen

Went through all this crap with my daughter a few years ago. save your money and sanity. ELOPE!!!!!

I always thought it to be the bride's job. My wedding will be 10/18/08 and that's all I know about it. I've done nothing for it since and I don't plan to. It's her day not ours..

My first wedding was a high dollar affair paid for by her parents. I dont remember much of it because 1) I had no say in things and 2) I was a tad overwhelmed by all the hoopla.

Second wife, second wedding. Cheaper, lot more fun and completely involved. I think it helps the marriage too.

BE involved. Give input, make decisions. You'll regret not doing so.

My wife and I got married for less than $300 in front of immediate family only. We spent the big $$$ on our honeymoon and the house... been ahead financially ever since.

My post was mostly tongue in cheek. I am a bit perturbed that it perpetuates a stereotype that the guy only wears a tux and everyone looks the same. Personally, I won't wear a tux. I'm wearing my kilt, well, when I get it, it will be "mine". We're actually going to get by pretty cheap. We're having at the chapel on post, which is nicer than any of the churches I've seen in Fayettenam. We're planning the reception at the officer's club, which will also be cheap, and comes with a 10% discount. My mom is making all the dresses involved (no kilt remarks, please). Really, our only expenses will be the food, alcohol, cake, photographer (which I don't really understand - does anyone ever look at their wedding pictures after 5 years, seriously?), and the hotel room. We're figuring $10K for the whole thing.

Do what I did. Show up in a tux, do your best to look pretty and try not to fart on stage. The rest is her job. As mentioned before... it's her day. You're just frosting on the cake, bro. It's a spectacle for the bride, not the groom. Your special time comes after you leave the reception.

I can not emphasize enough that BOTH the bride and groom are equal partners in the wedding planning. In fact, your fiancee' should WANT you to be involved; after all you will be making other important decisions (purchasing a home/car/ having kids etc) together after you are married, right? If your fiancee (or more likely her family/friends) want to limit your involvement in the wedding planning consider this a pretty good indication of how your marriage will operate. If she is more concerned about pleasing them and not at all concerned about your feelings/desires then be warned that rough roads may be ahead...

My recent wedding was completely a 50/50 affair. I had input into everything and we made every major decision together, despite the little detail that I was working out of state for 2 months and only returned 2 weeks before the wedding. And, amazingly enough, there was much less stress involved than in my first wedding where I had practically no input.

I agree 100%.
I'm going through this right now.
She has been posting on the wedding forums and doing research on what she likes, then we talk about what we'd both like to do.
It definitely should involve both of you.

Afterall... She'd look pretty silly standing in a really nice dress up there by herself.

Werd. That's pretty much what we did. Spent less than a grand on the whole thing. Rings included.

Seems to me that people spend all this money on a bunch of bullshit pomp and circumstance, and the message of two people supposedly spending the rest of their lives together gets lost in the "party".

Then people really want to act "shocked" that they're getting divorced? What a crock of shit.

It ain't "her day". Marriage is a two way street. I notice that most people who say it's her day have never even been married.