http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greatest_Quotes_from_fundamentalist_christian_chat_rooms/

This was posted on another forum I frequent.

Pretty funny stuff. Especially the anti-evolution tirades.

I'd like to see other religion's top 100 chatroom quotes too. It would be interesting to compare and contrast the outrageousness.

WOW.

I love the fact that alot of these morons honestly think that English is the only language their "god" can understand.

"If your original Hebrew disagrees with my original King James --- your original Hebrew is wrong. If your original Hebrew agrees with my original King James, your original Hebrew is right. "

and

"The word of God has been in heaven forever. The KJV has always been there. The so called Hebrew words like Alleluia are English words. The English did not borrow them from the Hebrew but rather the Hebrew borrowed them from the English. If the KJV has always been there and is the original word of God then there is no other conclusion. The same can be said for any so called Greek words that were borrowed from the Greek or transliterated. It is a matter of what bias you approach this particular subject. "

I had no idea that the omnipotent creator of the universe doesn't know the words to Frere Jaques (Ding, Dang, Dong).

I can't stop laughing over this one:

"I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!"

Too funny, man, too funny.

Wow. What a diluded woman. My question is, where's daddy?

Scary part is, this contingent is primarily responsible for staffing our federal government for the last decade.

I'll put money on it that this guy thinks a plane on a treadmill couldn't fly.

They tried to complile one, but they kept getting blown up. They decided to stick with just Christians to pick on for fear of their own lives.

Surely some of those can't be real.

I mean, yeah...there are some kooky fundies...but some of those are too over the top.

I like these:

This just seems to sum up why zealots are so messed up.

Sad but true.

Did anyone picture Ned Flanders saying this?

There are reasons the bible uses sheep as a metaphor. Somebody needs to point out to these freaks that the Rapture is not a retirement plan.

I'll just one thing, and leave it at that. I am a Christian. I have been for 17 years now. I am very actively invloved in my church, and I have actually been a paid staff person at a couple churches. I consider myself very knowledgeable of "Christian culture" and the nature of the church. Having said that, I can say without hesitation or doubt, these people you're talking about in here are not in any way representative of the thoughts, mentalities, or ideologies of mainstream Christianity. These people are extreme right-wing nut-jobs. In any people group there are weirdos. These are the weirdos among Christians. Unfortunately, it's often the weirdos who speak the loudest, or at least make the biggest scene.

Please don't think we're all like these people. I may say things some of you disagree with, but I'm not an illogical person who denies the existence of gravity or the laws of nature. That's insanity. And I think you'll find that if you actually talk to some of us instead of referring to wacko online forums for reference material, you'll find that what I am saying is true. We're normal human beings.

Prior to becoming a follower of Jesus Christ, I was nothing really. No religious affiliation. Honestly, I openly mocked what I called "Bible-thumpers" back then. And I still have a distaste for them. People who are so dogmatic in their faith that they can't see anything but their own perspective and don't really care what another has to say unless its "Hallelujah".

When I was born, my single mom was invloved in one of those holy-roller, screamin' and dancin' churches. It meant nothing to me as a kid. I didn't become a Christian until right after high school.

My wife and I are part of a "non-denominational" church. That's what I like. I feel that denoms are man-made and only serve to divide people. I would say that yes, the congregation I'm a part of is "mainstream". It's very active in the community, it's missions-minded, it's multi-cultural, it's compassionate, it's excited about seeing the church as a whole work together instead of apart and I feel that we work hard toward that end. We have gays and drug addicts and criminals in our congregation. And they are loved. And people's hearts are being healed. And all we're doing is trying to do what God says to do.

Dude... I'm a Christian and I LOVE my jeans. Are you telling me that I'm divided because of my man-made Levi's? Wait... Levi was a biblical character; you're saying he wore denom?

You lost me. :p

You're being somewhat evasive of the questions I asked. The reason I asked is because you seem to be bringing up the fact that you are a Christian in a number of threads and I was curious.

A non-denominational church is not what can be considered mainstream Christian.

You said you considered yourself very knowledgeable of "Christian culture" and the nature of the church. Well, what church?

You once either said or implied that you were a "born-again" Christian. If that is the case, I am fairly sure that I am not alone in claiming that born-again Christians and evangelicals are not mainstream Christians.

Hen's love Roosters, Geese love Ganders,
Everybody love Ned Flanders! Not Night in Armor!
Everybody who counts loves Ned Flanders.
Thanks for the huge laugh. Remember the episode where Lisa's president and Rod and Todd are furnature restorers? LOL

Sorry, I definitely am not trying to be evasive. One of my hopes in life is simply to help people who don't subscribe to my beliefs at least understand the truth of them, so they can at least make a decision on the Christian faith based on the truth, rather than some warped representation of it given by one of these foil-hat wearin' nut-jobs or by someone who just plain old hates Christians and isn't giving it a fair representation because of their emotions.

I think I am making the mistake of using what is sometimes called "Christianese" language. When I use the term "the church" I'm referring to the whole shebang. Christ didn't differentiate, so I try not to. All Christian denominations, including Catholic. When I use the term "mainstream" I'm referring to congregations and denominations that are neither uber-wacko-conservative nor uber-wacko-liberal. And believe me, there are plenty of both. My intent in using that term is to indicate congregations that, generally speaking, communicate and act within the parameters of what most of those congregations perceive as Godly.

To address your comment that "born-again Christians and evangelicals are not mainstream Christians," I guess I would have to ask you to define your understanding of those terms. To me, those are synonyms. I will admit though, that to the non-church crowd, those words have negative connotations. As does "Christian". Am I answering your questions? If not, let me know how I can better.

The definition of "Christian" varies GREATLY in this country, and even more so around the world. I think of a Christian as a follower of Jesus Christ. Whether you find comfort in your relationship with Him in your heart through the pastor of a Methodist Church, a Small Group of fellow Christians in your home, a Baptist Church, or a Church with no specific affiliation to any denomination in particular, it is my belief that you're still a "Christian" by the strictest biblical definition.

Now, I consider myself a "born again" Christian because i made a conscience choice to leave my old lifestyle behind. I'm not the most Zealous Christian in the world, I don't condemn the actions of others, I don't go door to door telling people they're going to hell, etc. I am offended by people like Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggert, and Oral Roberts who swear they'll die if they don't receive a million dollars worth of donations. I am offended by political leaders who, in the name of Christianity, call out sects of people and proclaim they're "not worthy" of something, etc.

Such self-righteous people may or may not be "Christians" in the true sense of the word as I believe it.

Some people think a Christian is a "white person." Seriously. Some people think its any person who believes in God. Some think its a "Church Goer." Lately i hear the phrase "Christians of the Radical Religious Right" and it makes me cringe. It permeates the notion that anyone who professes faith in Jesus Christ is a "Radical" person who might shoot a doctor in an abortion clinic or something. Nothing is further from the truth.

The born-agains and many so-called evangelicals are the ones that focus a lot on their conversions. I remember as a kid in the 70's a lot of them would put "I Found It" bumper stickers on their cars. If their conversions make them happy, so be it and more power to them. It's none of my business and to each his own.

The problem with many born-agains and evangelicals is their activism and their arrogance regarding their interpretations of the bible as being the only religious authority.

Many are hostile to, and thumb their noses at mainstream Christians such as Catholics or more mainstream Protestant denominations. There is without a doubt a level of arrogance with many born-agains. I suspect much is derived because of their so-called conversion experiences and the fact that they "found it". Most mainstream Chrisitans never "lost it" and rarely hold hostile or arrogant views towards other flavors of Christianity.

I agree with your statement that many evangelicals can be found on extremes of left and right. There is most definitely a rise of the "religious left" and some of it is even coming from mainstream Christians such as Catholics.

I personally am not hostile to Christians or the term Christian. I more often than not defend them against much of the baseless and unwarranted attacks thrown in their direction. However, there are certain times when some of that criticism can be warranted.

I myself am a Catholic, but I am not what can be considered a particularly religious person.

My problem with born-agains and evangelicals is the arrogance of which they seem to claim the mantle of some type of true Christians or true form of Christianity. Some other things too, but I'll leave it at that.