I was in a loud, smoky bar when the Houston Rockets made their first run at a national championship when suddenly, they broke in to show a slow speed Bronco chase. The rest is history.

Today, I go downstairs for lunch and I turn on CNN to see a LIVE broadcast of a deputy's car bringing Paris Hilton back to see the judge.


"WOW," I thought, "She must have finally snapped and killed somebody!"

Regrettably, no.

No, we're showing this LIVE because... well, because a judge ordered her back. SO F*CKING WHAT? Is there nothing else happening in the world?

I turned it off.